November 14, 2025 | Karis Rodila, LPC, LMFT
Managing Holiday Stress
A Therapist’s Guide to Thriving in the Holidays
Oh, it’s the holiday family madness,
Equal parts joy and sadness,
Every single year!
You laugh, you cry, you’re stressin’,
But somehow count your blessin’s,
For the ones you hold so dear!
It is the most wonderful time of the year! There is so much to be grateful for and so many fun things to anticipate. At the same time, the holidays bring a lot of busyness, stress, and even grief that can be difficult to navigate. Not to mention the strain that the holidays can put on relationships with the intricacies of differing political or religious beliefs, complicated family history, or financial stresses. In this blog post, I am going to outline some strategies to thrive this holiday season, instead of just surviving.
Unwrap Your Feelings
The holidays can be an emotionally charged time of year. It can be difficult to slow down and be with our emotions in the normal day-to-day, but around the stress of the holidays, it’s even more of a challenge. However, if our emotions are not cared for, they can come out at the most inopportune times (Hello, fights over Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner!). It’s important to reflect on what we are experiencing and seek to regulate our emotions.
Notice, Name, and Normalize
We can do this by first practicing awareness. When we notice a strong sensation in our body, it can be helpful to take a pause to reflect on what emotion we are feeling. This serves to kick-start the process of emotional regulation. Then, we need to put a name to the sensation. Naming what we are feeling can decrease how intensely we feel the emotion. Next, normalizing our experience helps to lower our emotional activation further.
A simple example of naming and normalizing is, “I feel stressed about finances surrounding the holidays, and that makes sense. Anyone in my position would feel the same way.” Seek to be curious about your emotions and your experiences. The holidays can be a triggering time, and we need gentleness, not judgment, in navigating the things that come up for us.
What's Mine vs. What's Yours
When the emotions of others start to impact us, it can be difficult to separate ourselves from those feelings. We are around a lot of people during the holidays, and there will likely be moments of conflict or high emotional activation. It’s important to remember that the other person’s emotions are not our responsibility, and we don’t have to let their “bad mood” impact our “good mood.”
This is what we call differentiation. It’s a therapeutic term that means having a distinct sense of self that is separate from others, while still maintaining a healthy connection to others. With my clients, I like to talk about loving detachment, meaning that I can love someone while also having boundaries around my emotional responses to their distress or dysregulation. I like to think of Phoebe’s line from the show, Friends, (Season 1, Episode 2: “The One with the Thumb”) where she says, “Not mine. Not mine.” It helps to remind me that others’ feelings and experiences are not my responsibility to fix. Letting go of the things that aren’t in our control is scary and freeing.
Deck the Halls, Not Your Stress Levels
As I’ve already said, the holidays can be stressful with all of their hustle and bustle. It’s important to find healthy ways to manage our stress, especially during this time of year. Some important areas of focus for managing stress are getting adequate rest, using healthy coping skills, and having safe people in our support system.
All I Want for Christmas is a Nap
Rest is an important aspect of self-care and stress management. Having a healthy sleep routine can help lower stress levels and provide energy for the tasks of the day. This is basic, yet it can be easy to forget how important good sleep is. Try to set boundaries around screen use in the evening and set up a nightly routine that could involve self-care hygiene practices and basic bedtime tasks. It can also be helpful to set aside one day a week for rest and restoration rather than more errands and busyness.
Fa-la-la-la Ahhh...
Healthy coping skills are another great tool for regulating our stress/emotions. This can involve exercise, journaling, and breath work. A breathing technique you might try is 4-7-8 breathing. You breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, hold that breath to a count of 7 (hold it for less time if 7 is not sustainable for you), and then exhale for a count of 8 by blowing the breath out like you’re blowing out a candle. Repeat until you feel calmer.
Good coping skills can also include grounding and mindfulness practices. Grounding is anything that helps you to be more present. I like to divide grounding techniques by the five senses. So, touch something pleasant, smell an enjoyable scent, listen to music that changes or matches your mood, taste a treat you like, and look at something calming or beautiful. Be creative in what healthy coping skills help you.
May Your Support System be Merry and Bright
Identifying safe people in your life to support you is a good way to manage holiday stress. A safe person is characterized by how trustworthy they are and how well they handle your emotions. They have the ability to be with you in your stress without rushing to fix it for you. Safe people provide a space to vent, seek encouragement, or ask for their opinion on how we are showing up in the situation. This support is even more helpful when it’s a two-way street. When you have the chance to be a safe person for someone else, not only is it beneficial for them, but it also gives you a mental break from your situation for a little while.
The Gift of Boundaries
Because of how much social interaction is baked in, the holidays are a great time to review and practice the concept of setting boundaries. There are many expectations during this time of year, from time together, taking part in traditions, and providing food and gifts for the people we love. At the same time, these good things can start to feel like obligations when we think we “have to” say “yes” to everything. This can lead to feelings of resentment, which impact the way we show up with others.
It’s important to practice awareness of where we may feel resentment or stretched too thin. These are often the first indicators that boundaries are needed. Remember that boundaries are “the distance at which I can love myself and the other person simultaneously.” They are not to punish the other person or manipulate them into doing what we want. They are for us to have the space to care for ourselves and the relationship.
Have Yourself a Healthy Little Boundary
Time with loved ones is extremely important, especially around the holidays. Nevertheless, if that time together is marked by quiet resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, or even explosive conflict, that’s not good for the relationship either. It is better to have boundaries than to damage the relationship with our resentment and anger. Think through your boundaries around:
- the amount of time you spend with people who are challenging for you
- what events you say yes to
- how much you spend on food and gifts
It is also valid to set boundaries and expectations about protecting time for us and our families. Whether you are single, married, or have children of your own, it is important to protect that “one–on–one time” if it’s something you value. Boundaries in this instance may look like:
“We are not going to travel to anyone’s house on Christmas morning because we want to have that time with [our family]. We would love to spend time with you before or after that day, but will be unavailable on Christmas Day.”
This is a boundary that is 100% in your control, even if others disagree.
Sleigh Your Spending
Everything is more expensive today than it was last year. Finance is often a significant source of stress in day-to-day life, and that stress only seems to grow with the holidays. With so many events to attend, food to provide, and presents to buy, it can feel like we are working with a “shoe-string budget.” It can often be tempting to overspend and not worry about the bills until the new year. However, this solution doesn’t actually solve the problem; it just kicks it down the road. Here are a couple of tips to manage your money well during the holidays.
- Set a budget and stick to it. Plan how much you will put towards each person or event on your list and do your best to not spend above what you planned.
- Give homemade presents instead of store-bought ones. Some homemade presents require more craftiness than others, but there are plenty of options out there for any skill level. Cater to your strengths, and where possible, buy supplies in bulk to save more.
Focus on experiences, rather than things. Maybe buy fewer presents this year and get a craft that everyone can do together. Or you could drive around the neighborhood together looking for the best decorated house. Bring along snacks and a thermos of hot chocolate, and don’t forget your favorite holiday music. Focus on traditions that are high in relationship value, but low in financial cost. Get creative! (For more ideas, check out this list of Free and Low-Cost Holiday Activities.)
Finance can be stressful, and with some creativity and foresight they don’t have to take away from our holiday celebrations.
Tidings of Comfort and Joy
My final thought for ways to thrive this holiday season is the idea of “taking in the good.” This concept comes from Rick Hanson’s book, Hardwiring Happiness. I like to say, “What you focus on, you amplify,” meaning that what gets our attention becomes stronger. So, if we focus on the stress, annoyance, or frustrations of the holiday season, that is what we will notice more quickly and feel more deeply. However, if we focus on taking in the good, positive things about this season, we will more easily find them and feel better overtime. This doesn’t mean ignoring the bad things (see above on unwrapping your feelings). Instead, it’s about finding a better balance in what we give our attention to.
To “take in the good,” we must first practice awareness of the possible good things happening around us. Maybe we notice what it feels like to be with the family members we love or the smell of grandma’s cooking or the laughter coming from the children playing games. When we find something that feels uplifting or good to us, we focus on it, seeking to enhance the experience with our attention.
We can also practice gratitude, noticing and giving thanks for the things in our lives. Research shows that even the act of looking for things to be grateful for can improve our mood and decrease stress. It seems like such a small thing, but our brain is powerful, and what we give our attention will influence how we feel.
Final Thoughts and a Farewell to the Year
The holiday season brings its own unique stress, grief, and busyness. However, with the right tools, we can navigate this time of year well and find enjoyment in it. For a more in–depth look at some of the concepts mentioned in this blog, check out our other posts from earlier in the year. Blogs such as “The Importance of Feeling Your Feelings,” my post on “Boundaries are Love: For Yourself and Others,” and Kiki’s on “Content vs. Meaning-Making,” could all be helpful. They provide more detailed tools and resources for navigating the holidays and the new year in healthy ways. Until next year, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from us at Waystone Therapy Center!
Learn what happens when we don’t feel our feelings, and practical techniques for letting ourselves “go there”.
Discover what boundaries are (and aren’t!) and how to implement them to protect yourself and others.
Learn about the two layers of communication and how to attend to the deeper level that often gets missed.
Karis Rodila, LPC, LMFT
Karis Rodila studied psychology at Berry College and received her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from Richmont Graduate University. She specializes in working with adolescents (16+) and adults navigating different life circumstances like trauma, anxiety, depression, life transitions, relationship challenges, and more. Karis works with individuals as well as couples, and she is passionate about coming alongside her clients to help them discover their personal power. In her free time, she enjoys drinking coffee, spending time with her friends, and reading books by her favorite author, Brandon Sanderson. Disclaimer: If you ask her about Sanderson, be prepared for a lengthy and impassioned conversation!
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