February 28, 2025 | Jessica Chong, AMFT

The Importance of Feeling Your Feelings (and How to Do It)

Raise your hand if you ever heard one of these phrases as a child: “Don’t be sad!”, “Big girls/boys don’t cry!”, “Stay positive!”, “Why are you angry?”, “Just get over it.” So often, we were told not to feel our feelings. Now, raise your hand if these same messages still echo in your mind as an adult. Oh, you too?  

Whether these responses were meant to comfort or dismiss big feelings, they often have the same effect: encouraging us to suppress and ignore our emotions. Over time, this can create a pattern of emotional avoidance that impacts our well-being.  

The truth is, allowing yourself to experience your emotions is an essential part of mental and emotional health. This probably isn’t news to you; in fact, you might even agree that it’s healthy to be in touch with your feelings. Yet, despite knowing this, you might still struggle to sit with your feelings because—let’s be honest—it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes, it’s even painful. And if you grew up in an environment where expressing emotions didn’t feel safe, it makes sense that this would feel unfamiliar, unpleasant, and even scary.  

Understanding Emotions vs. Feelings

Before diving deeper, let’s clarify a common misconception: emotions and feelings are not the same thing. While people often use these terms interchangeably, there is a key distinction:  

  • Emotions are automatic, physiological responses to stimuli. They are instinctual and occur before we even have time to process them. Emotions help us interpret and navigate the world around us.  
  • Feelings are the conscious interpretations of emotions. Once your brain registers an emotion, it creates a personal experience based on past memories, beliefs, thoughts, and values.  

In her book Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown describes 87 human emotions and experiences. When we face uncertainty or something that feels overwhelming, emotions like stress, anxiety, worry, avoidance, excitement, dread, fear, and vulnerability emerge. When we encounter positive experiences, emotions such as joy, happiness, calm, contentment, gratitude, excitement, relief, and tranquility arise. So whether something good, bad, or “too much” happens, emotions will always be present to help us make sense of our experiences.  

Emotions are natural and innate, triggering immediate physiological responses such as an increased heart rate, chest tightness, or body tension. In contrast, feelings are shaped by our unique perspectives and past experiences. For example, two people may both experience the emotion of fear when speaking in public, feeling their adrenaline surge and heart rate rise. However, their feelings about the experience can differ greatly—one might interpret it as excitement and feel motivated, while the other might interpret it as anxiety and feel dread. Feelings are the personal meanings we assign to emotions, helping us make sense of our experiences.

What Happens When We Ignore Our Feelings

So, why is it important to feel our feelings? Every emotion—whether pleasant or painful—serves an important purpose. Suppressing your emotions doesn’t make them disappear. Instead, they build up and manifest in other ways such as: 

  • Increased anxiety or depression
  • Emotional outbursts that strain relationships
  • Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach problems, tension, or fatigue

Ignoring emotions is like pouring water into a cup without ever emptying it. At first, it might seem manageable—you can hold it steady, convincing yourself that everything is under control. But as the water keeps rising, the pressure builds. Sometimes, life adds just a trickle, and other times it adds a sudden surge. Eventually, the cup overflows, spilling into unexpected places. It might spill just a few drops, or it might unleash an uncontrollable flood. Without a way to release or process emotions, they inevitably find their own way out.  

The good news? We can practice identifying and sitting with our emotions to empty our cups intentionally and to respond in a way that aligns with our true needs and desires. Allowing yourself to fully experience your feelings helps you become better at managing your emotions. This muscle is often referred to as emotional regulation. Just like strength-training at the gym, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.  When we create space to acknowledge and process our emotions, we gain clarity, resilience, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. This allows us to lead more authentic, balanced, and fulfilling lives.   

Suggestions on How to Feel Your Feelings

Name It to Tame It
  • When you feel overwhelmed, pause and name the emotion you’re experience (e.g., “I feel anxious” or “I feel frustrated”).
  • Say it out loud or write it down.
  • Take a deep breath and remind yourself: “By naming this emotion, I am taking control.”
  • This helps bring awareness and reduce emotional intensity.
15-Minute Containment Exercise
  • Set a timer for 15 minutes and allow yourself to fully feel your emotion without judgement.
  • Journal, vent to yourself, sit with the feeling in a quiet space, or listen to a really sad song to cry to (any Shrinking fans? Warning: strong language).
  • When the timer goes off, shift your focus by engaging in a grounding activity (e.g., deep breathing, stretching, stepping outside).
  • This prevents emotions from taking over while still giving them space to be acknowledged.
Engage in a Healthy Outlet
  • Identify a go-to activity that helps you process emotions in a constructive way, such as exercise, creative expression, talking to a trusted friend, or mindfulness.
  • Whenever a strong emotion arises, engage in your chosen outlet for at least 10-15 minutes.
  • Pay attention to how you feel beforehand and afterward, recognizing the relief it brings.

Feeling Further

So, the next time you catch yourself pushing an emotion aside, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to tell me? You might be surprised at the wisdom your feelings have to offer.

Building emotional regulation takes time, patience, and practice. Therapy offers a supportive space to explore your emotional well-being and develop healthier ways of connecting with yourself and feeling your feelings. At Waystone Therapy, our dedicated therapists create a safe environment where you can learn and nurture these new skills. Whether through individual therapy or family therapy, we’re here to guide you on your journey towards greater emotional wellness.

Deepen your self-awareness in individual therapy, which provides a dedicated space for you to process (feel) your feelings.

Individual Therapy

Foster healthier emotional dynamics within your family system through Waystone’s holistic approach to family therapy.

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Jessica Chong, AMFT

Jessica Chong specializes in working with preteens/adolescents (10-18) and adults navigating different life circumstances from anxiety, depression, life transitions, relationship challenges, identity exploration, trauma, and more. She works with individuals and families through Waystone Therapy’s Whole Family Healing approach. Before her career as a therapist, Jessica taught middle school science in the Atlanta Public Schools. Her experience as an educator brings a practical and compassionate approach to therapy. As a second generation Asian American, she values the impact of cultural identity on mental health and personal growth. In her free time, she enjoys being outdoors, reading, and exploring local coffee shops.