March 31, 2025 | Louise Finley, LPC, OMC
What If I Don't Want to Talk About It?
What Vulnerability in Therapy Looks Like, and Alternatives to Talk Therapy
I was recently chatting with an acquaintance about mental health, and an interesting question came up. The query was: “How do you do therapy if you don’t want to talk about what happened?” I suspect this is a more common thought than people admit, even though we are socially more open to talking about mental health and engaging in what most call “talk therapy.”
In my experience and observation, the mental hurdle of going into an office and opening up to essentially a stranger is daunting. It requires a ton of vulnerability! So, let’s consider what appropriate vulnerability looks like when starting therapy. Then, for situations when talking is not a good fit, let’s explore a couple of talk therapy alternatives that focus more directly on the brain.
How Vulnerable Should Therapy Be?
Especially for those who haven’t experienced therapy before, it can be helpful to understand what the intake process looks like. Your first therapy session will likely involve discussing:
- A variety of assessment approaches, depending on the therapist
- What you came there to talk about
- Anything the therapist noted that they would like to ensure they fully understand (these topics can be sensitive)
However, let’s be clear: this does not require you to share every detail of your life history if you are not ready. Honest answers to questions are important (they are necessary to keep you and the therapy room safe), but you can take your time getting comfortable. You are allowed to feel out who the person on the other side of the room is. You’re allowed to start with building rapport. That way, when you open a topic that feels overwhelming, you can focus on the safety of your relationship with your therapist, rather than the discomfort of sharing with a stranger.
Please be honest if you are in a crisis, but we can unpack the emotional tangle when you are ready. If building trust at your own pace is a new concept for you, this could even be a good starting point for your therapy journey. Trust-building could be the focus of your initial conversations as you are getting to know your provider.
You get a say in how much you say
If you are someone who struggles with power structures due to your history, therapy may seem particularly vulnerable. It can be important to remember that a healthy therapist will support your autonomy as a client. Generally speaking, you should:
- Be an active participant in deciding the pace
- Know you have a choice whether you continue with that therapist
- Have the ability to give feedback if an intervention is not benefiting you
That being said, you should feel (in time) that this is someone who you would accept influence from. If you find yourself questioning your therapist consistently, then it may be a good time to talk with your therapist about the source of those questions. It may be something you just need to process, or it may be that the therapist is not a good fit—and that is okay.
When to Look Beyond Talk Therapy
You may be thinking, “Okay, so I don’t have to open Pandora’s box immediately. I have autonomy… but what if I shut down when I try to talk about it at all?” This is part of why the therapy field has been consistently growing in the area of “brain-based interventions.” These are alternatives to talk therapy that address healing on a deeper level. Typically, I toss EMDR, Brainspotting, Neurofeedback, and (sometimes) other interventions like Somatic Experiencing and Hypnotherapy into this conversation.
For this post, I’ll speak primarily to Brainspotting and Neurofeedback as those are the two interventions I know best. Now, the question may come up, “Why not EMDR?” For many, EMDR is a beneficial intervention to assist in trauma resolution. However, it requires active, clinician-guided reprocessing in session, so if your goal is not to reprocess openly, then this is not your best starting point.
The key thing about all of the brain-based interventions is that they appear to be tapping into direct brain functions to help calm the nervous system, promote trauma resolution, and/or healthy formation of new habits. I tend to begin recommending a client explore one of these talk therapy alternatives when:
- We have reached the end of things to talk about, but symptoms are not improving
- When I have someone reach out who finds talk therapy too daunting
- The list of symptoms spreads beyond most common mental health diagnoses into areas that have strong physiological impacts such as sleep, chronic pain, traumatic brain injury (TBI), and panic
- There are multiple diagnoses or symptoms that are impacting daily life
- There are clear indicators that trauma resolution needs to be the focus
Brain-Based Interventions
For someone who wants to reap the benefits of symptom improvement without having to constantly process externally, Neurofeedback (NF) provides a route forward. Neurofeedback is a form of biofeedback where you watch a movie or other visual feedback. Simultaneously, electrodes collect and transmit information regarding the electrical activity in your brain. If you wish to sit in silence, chat about the weather, or discuss the latest book you read, we can do that—even while your brain is learning and processing this information.
Your job in the session is to watch the screen, listen to the audio feedback, and periodically check in about what your body and mind are experiencing. As you go along and the nervous system calms, the idea of exploring your internal world and thoughts may even become less daunting. If that occurs, we can shift to more trauma-focused NF work, where you can internally process those events while in a relaxed, sleep-like state called Alpha-Theta.
For someone who is okay focusing on the event or the associated emotions and physical sensations, Brainspotting may be a beneficial option. This intervention involves focusing your gaze on a spot in your visual field and observing your internal response, both physical and emotional. Brainspotting is a very client-led approach, allowing your autonomy to shape the pace and focus of your sessions.
This technique may surface uncomfortable memories; however, you are the gatekeeper. You can choose not to share your experience with your therapist – you can talk as little (or as much) as you want! The only time it’s necessary to let your therapist know what you’re experiencing is if you become overwhelmed. Even then, you don’t need to discuss the content – your therapist can help you ground and regulate without knowing any details.
Moving Forward with Talk Therapy Alternatives
So, what do you think? Would therapy be less intimidating to consider if you knew you could set the pace for vulnerability and have non-talk therapy options? At Waystone Therapy, we are all providers of at least one brain-based intervention, including Brainspotting and EMDR. Want to understand what these interventions might look like for you? I (Louise!) am a Neurofeedback provider. Beth, Karis, and Kiki all provide Brainspotting, and Beth and Karis provide EMDR. The Waystone team is always happy to talk you through deciding what interventions are a fit for your needs. Wherever you are in your therapy journey, I hope this helps you conceptualize your path forward!
Learn more about how eye position can affect how you feel and tap into the brain’s natural healing functions with Brainspotting.
Learn more about how Neurofeedback can help with a wide range of symptoms by informing the brain how it’s performing.
Louise Finley, LPC, OMC
Louise Finley provides talk therapy for individuals who are 18+ and Neurofeedback from ages 4+. A seasoned clinician in both traditional therapy and neurofeedback, Louise has worked with many diagnoses and presentations over the years. She specializes in anxiety, ADHD, trauma, job and career transition work, and understanding relationship patterns. With all of these areas, Louise’s goal is to help clients “move the baseline,” whether that means reducing symptoms, increasing satisfaction with work or life, or greater clarity in interpersonal relationships.
As an Atlanta native, Louise loves having the opportunity to work in the Roswell community. Her client approaches have been shaped by early career experience in HR, her years working in a PHP setting, and as a therapist at a non-profit center. Louise loves to educate on the topic of neurofeedback and believes every client should have access to as many therapy tools as possible to aid their recovery.